Hippopotamus
As a hippo you would spend your days half-submerged in a crowded river and your nights walking kilometres inland to mow grass with your lips.
A river-dwelling giant
The common hippopotamus, Hippopotamus amphibius, lives in rivers, lakes and swamps in sub-Saharan Africa, grazing on nearby savanna grasslands. Adults typically weigh 1.5–3 tonnes, with large males heavier. Despite its bulk and aquatic life, a hippo cannot really swim or float; you would walk or bounce along the bottom, able to stay underwater for about five minutes, and even sleep submerged, rising to breathe without waking.
Genetic studies show that whales and dolphins are the hippo’s closest living relatives, sharing a common ancestor tens of millions of years ago.
Sunscreen and night grazing
Your skin is thick but loses water quickly and burns in the sun, which is why you would stay in water during the day. You also secrete a reddish fluid, sometimes called blood sweat, which contains pigments that absorb ultraviolet light and may help protect against microbes. At night you leave the water and walk along well-worn paths, often several kilometres, to graze, eating roughly 35–40 kg of grass in a night – surprisingly little for an animal your size, thanks to a sedentary lifestyle.
Hippos live in groups, often 10–30 animals, sometimes more, controlled in the water by a dominant bull. You would communicate with loud grunts and honks that carry above and below the water.
Teeth, tempers and threats
Hippos are famously aggressive. Bulls defend stretches of river with jaw displays and fights, using lower canines that can exceed 50 cm. Hippos also attack boats and people who come too close or block their way to water, and they are considered among the most dangerous large animals in Africa for humans. Calves are born underwater after a pregnancy of about eight months and can be taken by crocodiles, lions and hyenas. Adults have few predators. Habitat loss and poaching for meat and ivory teeth threaten them; the IUCN lists the species as Vulnerable. Hippos live around 40 years in the wild.
