European hedgehog
As a hedgehog you would trot several hundred metres to a couple of kilometres every night, snuffling loudly for beetles – and roll into a spiky ball whenever life got too exciting.
A coat of modified hairs
Central and eastern Europe, including Poland, is home to two closely related species: the West European hedgehog, Erinaceus europaeus, and the northern white-breasted hedgehog, Erinaceus roumanicus, which differ mainly in the pale chest patch. Either way you would be 20–30 cm long and weigh roughly 0.5–1.2 kg, depending on season. Your back carries about 5,000–7,000 spines, which are hollow, stiffened hairs. A band of muscle under the skin lets you curl into a tight ball with spines erect.
Your eyesight is weak, but your sense of smell and hearing are excellent. Hedgehogs also self-anoint: when they encounter a strong new smell, they chew it and spread frothy saliva over their spines – the purpose is still debated.
The night shift
You are nocturnal and live mainly in hedgerows, meadows, woodland edges, farmland and gardens. Your diet is mostly invertebrates: beetles, caterpillars, earthworms, slugs, earwigs, with the occasional egg, frog or carrion. Despite cartoons, hedgehogs do not carry apples on their spines, and milk is bad for them because they are lactose intolerant.
You live alone. In late spring and summer males seek out females, circling them with much huffing; litters of about four or five hoglets are born blind, with soft spines just under the skin that emerge within hours.
Winter sleep and modern dangers
From roughly November to March you would hibernate in a nest of leaves under a hedge or a woodpile, with your body temperature falling to a few degrees and your heart rate dropping sharply. Young born late in the year often lack enough fat to survive. Badgers, foxes and eagle-owls can prey on hedgehogs, but cars, garden strimmers, slug pellets, steep-sided ponds and fenced-off gardens cause many deaths. Wild hedgehogs typically live two to three years.
